Elimination Chamber hype...by John Cena and crew
John Cena comes out to a mixed reaction Denver crowd. We get the same speech we always get out of John Cena: "Want some, come get some. The champ is here...blah blah blah." He mentions all of his opponents except for Cesaro. Speaking of which, Cesaro comes out then another and another Elimination Chamber opponent. Christian seems on a change to the darkside. Cesaro barely speaks. Randy Orton does what he does much like Robin from Batman and Robin...bitches and moans. Sheamus talks about pints and brogue kicks. Vince McMahon loves his race gimmicks. Seriously, Sheamus overblows it with being Irish, I'm surprise he doesn't hang out with Hornswoggle. *Sigh* It's coming, I know it. At last, Daniel Bryan comes out to add to the quantity of Elimination Chamber hype. His t-shirt is pretty awesome though. Che Guevara/communist style shirt for the YES! movement. Hell I'd like one.
Kane comes out and announces the matches for each competitor followed by the "you sold out" chant. It's rather funny that Kane is in the corporate circle since Glenn Jacobs is a Political Activist. He comes off as weird, because he's so well known as Kane. Kane's character is changing to become more PC since Glenn Jacobs is running for Senate in Tennessee.
David and Goliath or Daniel and Kane
Christian vs Daniel Bryan
Kane distracts Bryan while Christian hits Bryan from behind. Christian is full on darkside now. I like it, he was always a great bad guy. However, heels and faces are completely changed. Evil, edgier, aggressive characters are praised whereas boring, predictable, politically correct characters are hated. I'll make a editorial about it. Christian attacks Bryan's arm the main portion of the match. With Kane on the outside and a hurt arm, Daniel Bryan is getting the deck stacked against him. Eventually, Bryan rallies and pins Christian with a rollup. Disappointed, Kane enters the fray with Daniel Bryan. You can smell The Authority all over this. Kane continues the attack on Daniel's arm. He uses everything except for a weapon. The ref has to DQ Kane over the 5 count, however the damage has been done. Each match told a story to greatness. If Triple H and Daniel Bryan are going to fight at Wrestlemania, then Daniel Bryan and Kane should resolve their rivalry on Smackdown.
The Shield and the comedy team
The Shield gives a promo on not being afraid of the Wyatts. Look they pretty say the same thing every time. We need more interaction between them. The Wyatts are really interesting in the promo department. Really the only thing to say is it shows the desputes between Reigns and Ambrose. I really want this to be awesome, and continue their rivalry into Wrestlemania.
Santino Fandango comedy hour feat. Summer Rae and Emma
Yes its another match between them. They show off Emma in NXT, and she looked great. The only thing is WHY OH WHY does she need a romance with Santino Marella. You know what I give up...WWE just isn't being saved in any time or place as long as we have fucking acts like this. Just why? I'm going out to freak out for a minute here's something to watch...
Ok so the match sucked and I wanna move on. Mark Henry cuts a promo that every wrestler should watch if they wanna go far. It's too bad that Henry never got to be a main event star.
Roman Reigns vs Mark Henry
Two powerhouses going at it is pretty exciting. Each one goes at each other with power moves, but eventually Reigns hits the spear. If Batista wasn't back, Reigns would of been the next Batista. Ambrose and Rollins join Reigns with a victory. Ambrose attacks Henry in jealousy as the rest are saying "what are you doing?" It's quite funny how the decline is going. Subtle and quiet with a building jealousy and in the middle is poor Rollins. All of a sudden, you hear some creepy ass singing. Bray Wyatt should not do weddings...Bray says the same things, but in a fresh new way each time. I wonder if he writes his own dialogue or does he have a writer.
The rise and fall of the Midcard
The Rhodes Brothers are bickers over their product placement selling out to the little kids. At least it is free television. If they did this on a PPV, I'd be pissed off. Buying a PPV listening to commercials about their products hosted by a wrestler that wants some screen time. When an angel in form of a Wade Barrett comes over and knocks over their toys. I laughed pretty hard, because I wanted to do just that.
Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter vs Kofi Kingston
This match was just ok, but with chants for JBL and CM Punk. Swagger wins. WEEEEEE!!!!
Big E not Langston comes out to greet Jack Swagger, but neither guys do nothing and Swagger backs off. What a hyping moment for them two!!!!!!!
Biggie vs Drew MacIntyre/Jinder Mahal
The action was ok, but the reason to watch this is for Zeb Coulter on the mic. This guy is much more funnier than all the other comedy acts combined. This is great build up for the IC title match. Once again I do hope Swagger takes the title away. Oh yeah Big E wins with a double Ending.
Welcome to Cena-land, comrade
Alexander Rusev and Lana makes a promo hyping his debut. He finally talks, but what I get out of it is...
John Cena vs Cesaro w/ Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter
WWE is placing interviews before matches, so I am going to just include them in the fight. Before the match, Cena give his speech about the next generation. Hmm I'd like to see Captain Picard win in a fight with John Cena. Worf and Data vs the Brothers of Destruction. Commander Riker fight CM Punk. Hell I bet Counselor Troi is a much better wrestler than any of the Total Divas clan. Ok I'm off track... So Cena is the glass ceiling that we all knew he was. Anyone that beats him is considered part of the main event club sans The Miz. Cena comes out and you hear the same thing over and over again from King when Cena is heading to a championship match on Sunday. "If John Cena wins on Sunday, we will all be chanting 'The Champ is Here!'" Oh King, everytime you say that I die a little inside. Now I hear you all say about Cena. Some say he's the best wrestler ever, which I politely say "You are fucking delusional and need your brain checked before you hit puberty." And some say he is an asshole-licking, goat-fucking pile of garbage, which I say you are almost right. Just add in the cum guzzler and you got it. Ok that's too far...Let me straighten it out. Cena as a person is I guess a nice guy. Doing all those charity events really does cloak you in good deeds. We all know he kisses Vince McMahon's ass. However, I could care less about those charity events, Make a Wish Foundation and the Bully campaign, what I care about is his character. The John Cena character is a prime example of why WWE can suck. He is also a prime example of how not to be a great wrestler. He can make some pretty damn good matches just like Hulk Hogan did. We all want to see him fail to promote the next guy. So I'm getting way off track... We have a match of the night here with both wrestlers doing a damn good job of keeping you on your toes. Both wrestlers are developing new moves, however for Cena it is too late. We all know you can't wrestle. You get the Trademark 5 moves of doom, "lets go Cena, Cena sucks" and the comeback that comes with his matches. With Cesaro, he does his uppercuts and big swing. In the end, SuperCena dons the cape, he gives Cesaro a pinfall with the AA and flies away...
Tag Teams and promos
Titus O'Neil gets interviewed and is over the top, energetic, popular with the audience and funny as hell. Titus is becoming Rock 2.0. You know how to spell champ T-i-t-u-s!
Three Amigos w/a dumbass bull vs The Wyatt Family
This is a glorified squash match to make the Wyatts look strong. The weirdest part is the King. I have said this many times Jerry "The King" Lawler needs to retire from the announcing. He is horrible at calling matches and keeping up with JBL and Cole. Hell JBL and Cole are a great team. Cole is no Jim Ross, but JBL makes up for it with being a gifted natural at commentating.
Billy Gunn vs Jey Uso
I have to say that each week the Usos are reminding me of The Hardyz, and its quite symbolic with them being brothers and going against the New Age Outlaws. With Road Dogg and Jimmy Uso on commentary, we get delightful bickering and a show in-ring. The match was another ok one even with CM Punk chants erupting again. I wonder what they are going to do with the Chicago crowd. It will be filled with CM Punk chants and Yes! chants. Jey Uso wins with the rollup of death.
The Main Event and the non-entertaining hype
Triple H and Randy Orton are talking about being the Orton's face and Trips' ego. When Randy trashes Batista whilst Batista is behind Randy. It's semi-funny how Orton recovers. Orton exit stage left. Enter Del Rio. Rio talks about getting revenge against Batista, but Batista does the harshest most heinous thing ever. He pushes Del Rio into something. Oh my god! What unspeakable act will he do next? I'm really not into this rivalry. Del Rio is the only one trying, however Batista doesn't care at all. If you watch HHH, he looks at Del Rio uncaring too. HHH just throws all these talents away, and adds in lifeless idiots that couldn't interest me at all. Batista is called "The Animal" for a reason. Let him wipe the floor with guys and throw him to Brock Lesnar. Maybe I should do the booking.
Randy Orton vs Sheamus
Sheamus is in a interview with Byron. He talks about becoming the WWE Champion. Add in Pint of Ale, Irish and arse and that's Sheamus' interview.If Sheamus was much more over the top and aggressive he would be a blast in promos. Also, WWE is trying to make Sheamus/Christian a rivalry going into Elimination Chamber. Fun.
The match was slow and good, but boring at spots. CM Punk chants go on again. Orton slamming Sheamus through the table was the highlight. In the end, The Shield comes in to beat up Sheamus. Soon enough a brawl starts with all the chamber contestants going at it. The Wyatts show up in front of the Shield and they start brawling. It was great fun, but cut short.
Overall
Tonight had some fun times, some funny points, but it had its share of boring, uncaring and overall stupid moments. I'd say it's watchable. It's late and I wanna get on with my editorial. Leave comments on my review or what you think about WWE lately.
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